Some work by Phoenix Writers
FOOD RAGE
by
Elizabeth Carr
I could smell the sausages. Their peppery aroma Bisto'd out towards me and I imagined cutting through the stretched skin and impaling a piece on my fork before dipping it into the egg, sunny side up.
A waitress with a mouth like a piece of string emerged from the clattering kitchen and stood, hands rolled into fists resting on the counter.
"Yes?" she snapped.
"Er, two sausages, two very soft fried eggs, and two slices of toast please. And," I added firmly, "butter on the toast NOT margarine!"
A corner of the string mouth lifted, eyes narrowed.
"We do bacon rolls, sausage in a roll, and poached egg on toast!"
She waited.
"Well then, you do everything I want, two sausages, two . . ."
"We do bacon rolls, sausage in a roll, and poached egg on toast!"
The woman was a bloody automaton! I found my self looking at her neck for a switch.
"Are you saying," I enunciated with the utmost clarity, "that you can't do two sausages, two soft ... ?"
''We do bacon rolls, sausage rolls or poached egg on toast."
The fists rose and thumped the counter softly.
"Look." Maybe I could ingratiate myself with this robot.
"Do me two portions of egg on toast. I don't mind if they are poached, as long as they are soft." Compromise, see. Give way just a bit. That would do it.
She clamped those lips and turned.
"And just put two sausages on the side." I called to her retreating back.
She stopped, swivelled and came back to the counter.
"You can have the sausages in a roll"
"I don't want a roll. Just give me the sausages and keep the rolls. I'll pay for the effing rolls."
"Language!"
My hunger was fast dissipating, to be replaced by red, boiling rage. I picked up the cardboard menu. "Look, it says here sausages, bacon, eggs, beans, toast. All the bits I want are in there. Just give me them the way I want them."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"It's against company policy!"
At least we were having a conversation. I contemplated poached eggs and sausages in rolls. I could keep the rolls, wrap them in a serviette and eat them at home with something in between.
"And it's Flora, not butter!"
"Oh fuck!"
"Language ! Ted?"
Ted came out.
"What's the problem?" He was bigger than me.
"No problem." I said, picking up my briefcase. On the way out, I kicked the board that said 'Cafe' and it fell over with a crash!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
THE CLONING OF DAN DARE
by
Drew Lawson
Once, super spaceman Daniel Dare
cruised galaxies without a care
But though he was a daring sort
he never did take time to court,
or take himself a bride
But when his years were growing late
a plan in Dan did germinate
He'd use space-age technology
to give himself some progeny
and duplicate himself
So Dan became a tissue donor,
a pioneering human cloner
With cultures set up in glass spheres
and cells removed from both his ears
he cloned two handsome boys
Then Dan looked into cryogenics,
that deep-chilled field of modern physics
and made arrangements to be frosted;
in liquid nitrogen encrusted,
until they came of age
So Daniel-Dee and Daniel-Dum
grew up without a dad - or mum
and when these boys reached adolescence
they cursed Dan for his selfish absence,
although he was real cool
Then one day in a fit of pique
the boys rolled out Dan's iced physique
and with a micro-wave emitter
they turned poor Dan into a fritter
A shocking act of patricide
committed out of wounded pride,
and lack of parent guidance!
________________________________
2010 - present
2010 - present